How Can I Not Love You?
by Laurelgand
Summary: Miaka struggles accept her fate in this songfic based upon the theme from 'Anna & The King".


How Can I Not Love You?   
A Miaka and Tamahome Songfic   
By Laurelgand (laurelgand@home.com)   
http://www.midnightrevolution.org 

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This one is technically better than my other Miaka & Tamahome songfic, Eternity. The song is mournful and touching, and I hope the fic carries those emotions as well. Spoilers for Episodes 40 - 52. 

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_ Can not touch.... can not hold... can not be together...  
Can not love... can not kiss... can not have each other...  
Must be strong and we must let go,  
Cannot say what our hearts must know.  
_

It's over. Nakago is defeated, Yui-chan saved, and Suzaku summoned.... all that is left... all that is left is goodbye. Tatara had warned Miaka, had warned them both that the final wish could not be granted. He was right. He was right and he was wrong, because Tatara had said that when the time came, it would be enough. It wasn't enough. Only the rest of their lives, and ever after, could be enough for Miaka's and Tamahome's love. 

_ How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart?  
When do I not want you here in my arms?  
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?  
How do I not miss you when you are gone?  
_

The others were arguing, trying to come up with a way to keep Miaka and Tamahome together, but Miaka knows that she can't wish for happiness. Happiness has to be earned, and there is one thing left to do.... 

_ Cannot dream... cannot share... sweet and tender moments...  
Can not feel... how we feel... must pretend it's over...  
Must be brave and we must go on  
Must not say what we've known all along.  
_

Miaka turns and whispers her last wish to Tamahome. His eyes widen, then soften into loving approval. He smiles his acceptance to her. Gripped by a sense of serenity, of rightness, Miaka calls forth Suzaku's power for the third and final time. "_Kaijin!_ Suzaku... please restore this world to it's original condition." 

_ How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart?  
When do I not want you here in my arms?  
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?  
How do I not miss you when you are gone?  
_

As their friends and companions fade in the wake of Suzaku's divine fire, Tamahome sweeps Miaka into a passionate embrace. In that instant, more than any other, their two souls are as one. 

_ How can I not love you?  
_

Tighter.... tighter... even as Miaka's hopes begin to rise, they are dashed as Tamahome's warm body falls through her embrace like sunlight through sky. Shaking her head in mute denial, tears smart in her eyes at Tamahome's stunned expression, the last she sees of her beloved as he fades away. 

_ Must be brave and we must be strong,  
Can not say what we've known all along.  
_

Without his support, Miaka sinks to the ground, arms wrapped tightly about herself in a mute expression of fiercely private loss. For a single instant, Miaka's grief is overwhelmed by a crushing sense of regret... she does not regret using the last wish to restore her world, but rather her victory over Suzaku within her body. Surely even the pain of being devoured would be less than this sweet agony of love, longing, and loss.... 

_ How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart?  
When do I not want you here in my arms?  
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?  
How do I not miss you when you are gone?  
_

... but _Onichan _is watching, and Miaka is alive. The gift of life cannot be wasted... the others had shown her that. And while she is alive there is always hope that one day Tamahome will find his way back to her. If not... if not, at least she has the memory of Tatara and Suzuno to sustain her. 

_ How can I not love you... when you are gone....  
_

**_Shijintenchisho _**lies on the pavement in front of her. Slowly, Miaka brushes the ancient book's cover with gentle fingertips. Picking it up, Miaka speaks quietly to Keisuke. "This wasn't an evil or dangerous book, _Onichan._ It was the most beautiful story I've ever read." 

And then Miaka turns her face up to the sun; to Tamahome, wherever he is, and smiles.   
  


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**Author's Notes:**

This songfic is based on **"How Can I Not Love You?"**, the love theme from the recent **Anna and the King** movie, starring Jodie Foster and Chow Yun Fat. It's performed by **Joy Enriquez** and is available on the movie soundtrack. 

This one is for all the Miaka/Tamahome fans out there, especially Nishi Rajan. ^o^V 

Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome; please review!   


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Fushigi Yuugi (and associated characters) is the property of WataseYuu, Flower Comics, Shogakukan, Bandai, TV Tokyo, Movic, Studio Pierrot, and others of whom I am ignorant. Copyrights in the United States are held by Viz Communications and Pioneer Entertainment. The song "How Can I Not Love You?" is from **Anna and the King**, performed by **Joy Enriquez**. No copyright infringement or disrespect to the creators/copyright holders is intended in the writing of this 'fic.

This 'fic written and self-published by Laurelgand. 


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